Honors – Ceremony – Naming – Celebration
Your Son’s Bris - What to Expect
The day of your son’s Bris will be truly momentous for your family. It is the point of entry into living a Jewish life. A big day, I know. But I assure you that even the most overwhelmed and anxious parents have fared far better than they imagined.
And, you will, too.
The Brit Milah ceremony is a beautiful, religious life-cycle event meant to be celebrated amid family and friends. I’ve dedicated my life over the last half-century stressing the beauty of this ritual rather than its perceived negativity. While it is appropriate for all those assembled to witness it, no one needs to stay for any part of the service that they deem uncomfortable.
Extending Honors to Family and Friends
Sensitivities can arise and sometimes the assigning of honors can be quite stressful. I refer to it as an equal opportunity offender. To avoid this, prior to the Bris, I can help you address your concerns (be it with step-parents, interfaith issues, etc.) and make sure that everyone feels included.
Because no two families are alike, each Brit Milah ceremony varies. It is customary however, to confer several honors upon close relatives or friends so that they may participate in the ceremony. Traditionally the honors are that of the Godmother (K’vatterin), the Godfather (K’vatter) and the Sandek.
The idea of Godparents is not based on intrinsic Jewish-oriented belief. They need not be related to the baby or each other. You may appoint as many Godparents as you wish, or none at all.
The honor of the Sandek is both biblical and historic and considered the highest honor bestowed. He is the father’s representative or, in its simplest form, Senior Godfather or Best Man. Very often this honor is given to a revered elder. It is sometimes shared by two grandfathers, your Rabbi, a brother or a good friend — anyone deemed worthy. Bear in mind that it is also traditional for the Sandek to hold the legs of the baby during the circumcision. However, I opt for (Maimonidean-inspired) safety first. I’ve heard of Sandek’s flinching or even passing out at the all-too crucial moment. My choice is to restrict the baby’s movement with a papoose-style wrap and allow the Sandek to maintain a soothing contact with the baby instead, possibly feeding him through the procedure.
The unseen participant at every Brit Milah is the prophet Elijah, a chair is set up in his honor. According to tradition, Elijah will herald the coming of the Messiah. A child’s birth gives all of us renewed hope that a new generation will grow, learn from the mistakes of its elders and may yet forge the perfect world Jews are always striving to achieve.
The Ceremony – What Happens & When?
Keep in mind… your baby is the least affected person in the room.
A lot less happens on the table than in your head.
The Bris commences with the Godmother as the first holder of the baby; she hands the child to either the Godfather(s) or the baby’s father. After appropriate recitations, the Godmother or Godfather then pass the baby to the Sandek (who may stand or sit) and the Sandek then passes the child to the father. It is at this time, while the father is holding his son, that the father designates the Mohel as his proxy to perform the ritual circumcision on his son. Although tradition states that the father himself is responsible to perform this mitzvah (and it is a great honor), 99.44% concede this honor to me. If a father does express the desire, and he is medically and ritually qualified, then with the mother’s and family’s approval, it can be done without causing harm to the baby, (I apply the clamp and the father cuts the foreskin.) Prior arrangements must be made, however.
After another prayer recitation, the baby is handed to the Mohel. I perform the circumcision with the use of the Mogen Shield (a state-of-the-art device that my own father co-invented). The procedure takes 20-30 seconds, with a few more prayers recited.
In an effort to spare the baby any unnecessary pain, I apply three different topical anesthetics at appropriate times, as well as offer sweet Kosher wine or sugar water, which serve as a distraction/analgesic for the baby.
What’s in a Name?
Following the circumcision, the Hebrew name ceremony begins. The Brit Milah is the only traditionally assigned ceremony for naming a baby boy. We share a blessing over wine and then pronounce the baby’s Hebrew name. At this time you might want to share memories about the person for whom your baby is being named. Jewish names are most often given to honor a family member or members who have passed, but not necessarily. Sometimes names are selected for their resonating meaning, or simply because they sound nice. When choosing a Hebrew name you might choose a direct translation of an English one, or opt for using just the first initial. The only issue expressly prohibited by Jewish Law is that two siblings of the same sex cannot be given the same name. With all this said, choosing a name can be quite a dilemma! It can be an emotionally charged issue for families. Don’t worry, prior to the Bris, your family Rabbi or I can guide you through the process.
Time To Celebrate! Time To Eat!
After the naming, we conclude with a blessing — a prayer for the child’s welfare, and a parental tasting of wine. After this, the baby is given to the mother for comfort and feeding and we enjoy a festive meal.